A Lost Masterpiece of Supernatural Horror
(a.k.a. worst vampire film of all time)
· Open a (preferably stock footage) shot of the full moon.
· Move to a medium wide of a buxom blonde lying draped on a bed, fast asleep.
· Through a crack in her room’s door, a bright light comes on, along with a mist and/or smoke flowing from the opening.
· All the while, the blonde remains blissfully unaware and asleep.
· All of a sudden, the door bursts open in a flash of light and smoke, Count Chargulack (pronounced shar-jew-lack) standing there severely in some low, dramatic shot.
· The bimbo’s eyes flutter open slightly.
· Close up on the Count’s face as he stares all menacingly (a.k.a. “squinty”, and maybe with a fangy overbite).
· The blonde sits up in shock, letting out a scream (a cheesy pre-recorded scream obviously not the blonde).
· The Count lets out a hiss, baring his fangs (maybe have one of the fangs looking a bit loose or something), and then does the classic vampire hypnotizing hand thing.
· The bimbo goes into a swooning, hypnotized state, lying back down (got to think of a way to make this stand out as dumb).
· The Count moves over to his victim, helpless before his charms. He leans over her, baring his fangs in an evil (re: goofy) grin. Finally, he goes in for the bite. As he does (or possibly before he even makes contact), the blonde starts moaning like she’s experiencing the greatest the greatest pleasure ever. They “embrace” for a minute or 2.
· Suddenly, the vampire hunters arrive, kicking open the door (note: the Count didn’t close it…make sure that’s obvious). They all (2 or 3, whichever…named Hugh Whitby, Clayton Dubay, & Preston Rostrum) file into the room, one of them calling out “Halt, you freaky creature of the night!”
· The Count twists around to face the hunters, hissing in anger (2 ridiculously perfect and solid little blood trails at the edge of his mouth). Standing up, he edges towards the hunters, hands like claws.
· Glaring and taking a step forward, the lead hunter holds up a large crucifix, exclaiming a loud “BACK!”
· Hissing loudly and wrapping his cape around him, the Count steps back, exclaiming “It’th too late! The’th mine!” (Lisping ‘cause of the fangs, or ‘cause it’s silly? You be the judge)
· Another hunter steps forward holding up a wooden stake and mallet. “Never! We’ll crush your foul evil like the A’s crushed the Reds in the series!”
· The Count lets out an evil laugh. “Foolth! The A’th got a lucky bweak, a bweak your not lucky enough to have yourthelveth!” Cackling again, Count Chargulack flares his cape wide, and in a puff of smoke, he turns into a giant bat. (This I know we can make badly…a very big puff of smoke, a very obvious cut, and a big bat with obvious strings, and maybe see the hand holding the strings)
· The hunters swat their arms around wildly; as if trying to catch the bat, even thought they’re obviously out of range. As this takes place, the blonde sits up in bed and grabs the nearest hunter, now a “vampire bride”.